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Follow your heart, but take your brain with you
Total Volume145 Quotes
Last UpdatedOCT 24, 2024
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“Specialization is for insects.”
Robert A. HeinleinScience writer
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Robert A. Heinlein
“Specialization is for insects.”
Robert A. Heinlein
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“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colin. Need I say more?”
Chris RockComedian
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Chris Rock
“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colin. Need I say more?”
Chris Rock
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“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
Mark TwainWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Mark Twain
“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
Mark Twain
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“Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.”
Ellen DeGeneresComedian
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Ellen DeGeneres
“Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.”
Ellen DeGeneres
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“The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.”
Jane AustenNovelist
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Jane Austen
“The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.”
Jane Austen
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“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
Steve MartinActor
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Steve Martin
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
Steve Martin
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“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”
Mark TwainWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Mark Twain
“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”
Mark Twain
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“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”
Douglas AdamsAuthor
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Douglas Adams
“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”
Douglas Adams
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“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.”
Charles M. SchulzCartoonist
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Charles M. Schulz
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.”
Charles M. Schulz
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“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
Jim HensonPuppeteer
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Jim Henson
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
Jim Henson
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“I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.”
Woody AllenActor
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Woody Allen
“I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.”
Woody Allen
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“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
Groucho MarxComedian
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Groucho Marx
“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
Groucho Marx
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“If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything.”
Marilyn MonroeActress
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Marilyn Monroe
“If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything.”
Marilyn Monroe
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“Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.”
Benjamin Franklin WadeFormer United States Senator
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Benjamin Franklin Wade
“Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.”
Benjamin Franklin Wade
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“The reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answers I accept.”
George CarlinComedian
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by George Carlin
“The reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answers I accept.”
George Carlin
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“Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.”
Lemony SnicketWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Lemony Snicket
“Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.”
Lemony Snicket
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“When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.”
Groucho MarxComedian
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Groucho Marx
“When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.”
Groucho Marx
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“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.”
Albert EinsteinScientist
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Albert Einstein
“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.”
Albert Einstein
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“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.”
Charles BukowskiPoet
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Charles Bukowski
“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.”
Charles Bukowski
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“Those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.”
Kurt VonnegutWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Kurt Vonnegut
“Those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.”
Kurt Vonnegut
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“Never memorize something that you can look up.”
Albert EinsteinScientist
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Albert Einstein
“Never memorize something that you can look up.”
Albert Einstein
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“If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”
E. B. WhiteWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by E. B. White
“If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”
E. B. White
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“I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.”
Oscar WildePlaywright
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Oscar Wilde
“I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.”
Oscar Wilde
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“Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.”
Mark TwainWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Mark Twain
“Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.”
Mark Twain
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“I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?”
Ernest HemingwayNovelist
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Ernest Hemingway
“I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?”
Ernest Hemingway
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“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
Mark TwainWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Mark Twain
“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
Mark Twain
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“I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”
Jerome K. JeromeWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Jerome K. Jerome
“I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”
Jerome K. Jerome
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“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”
George CarlinComedian
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by George Carlin
“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”
George Carlin
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“I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious.”
Albert EinsteinScientist
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Albert Einstein
“I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious.”
Albert Einstein
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“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?”
Albert EinsteinScientist
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Albert Einstein
“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?”
Albert Einstein
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“Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I'm not going to make it, but you laugh inside remembering all the times you've felt that way.”
Charles BukowskiPoet
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Charles Bukowski
“Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I'm not going to make it, but you laugh inside remembering all the times you've felt that way.”
Charles Bukowski
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“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
Mark TwainWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Mark Twain
“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
Mark Twain
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“God created war so that Americans would learn geography.”
Mark TwainWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Mark Twain
“God created war so that Americans would learn geography.”
Mark Twain
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“It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.”
Marilyn MonroeActress
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Marilyn Monroe
“It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.”
Marilyn Monroe
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“I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.”
Woody AllenActor
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Woody Allen
“I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.”
Woody Allen
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“Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope.”
Dr. SeussWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Dr. Seuss
“Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope.”
Dr. Seuss
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“I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.”
Mark TwainWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Mark Twain
“I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.”
Mark Twain
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“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”
Oscar WildePlaywright
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Oscar Wilde
“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”
Oscar Wilde
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“But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?”
Mark TwainWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Mark Twain
“But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?”
Mark Twain
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“I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person.”
Audrey HepburnActress
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Audrey Hepburn
“I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person.”
Audrey Hepburn
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“I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.”
Oscar WildePlaywright
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Oscar Wilde
“I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.”
Oscar Wilde
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“My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.”
Winston S. ChurchillFormer British Prime Minister
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Winston S. Churchill
“My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.”
Winston S. Churchill
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“Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been.”
Mark TwainWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Mark Twain
“Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been.”
Mark Twain
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“Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.”
Albert EinsteinScientist
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Albert Einstein
“Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.”
Albert Einstein
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“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”
Winston S. ChurchillFormer British Prime Minister
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Winston S. Churchill
“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”
Winston S. Churchill
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“What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.”
Mark TwainWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Mark Twain
“What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.”
Mark Twain
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“I love you like a fat kid loves cake!”
Scott AdamsComic Strip Creator
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Scott Adams
“I love you like a fat kid loves cake!”
Scott Adams
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“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
Ernest HemingwayNovelist
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Ernest Hemingway
“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
Ernest Hemingway
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“History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.”
Winston S. ChurchillFormer British Prime Minister
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Winston S. Churchill
“History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.”
Winston S. Churchill
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“Despite my ghoulish reputation, I really have the heart of a small boy. I keep it in a jar on my desk.”
Robert BlochFiction writer
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Robert Bloch
“Despite my ghoulish reputation, I really have the heart of a small boy. I keep it in a jar on my desk.”
Robert Bloch
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“The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache.”
Marjorie Pay HinckleyAuthor
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Marjorie Pay Hinckley
“The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache.”
Marjorie Pay Hinckley
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“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.”
Rodney DangerfieldComedian
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Rodney Dangerfield
“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.”
Rodney Dangerfield
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“Dogs never bite me. Just humans.”
Marilyn MonroeActress
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Marilyn Monroe
“Dogs never bite me. Just humans.”
Marilyn Monroe
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“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
Terry PratchettAuthor
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Terry Pratchett
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
Terry Pratchett
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“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
George CarlinComedian
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by George Carlin
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
George Carlin
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“It is a great thing to start life with a small number of really good books which are your very own.”
Arthur Conan DoyleWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Arthur Conan Doyle
“It is a great thing to start life with a small number of really good books which are your very own.”
Arthur Conan Doyle
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“Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.”
Bill WattersonCartoonist
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Bill Watterson
“Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.”
Bill Watterson
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“What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.”
Ralph Waldo EmersonEssayist
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson
“What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
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“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”
George CarlinComedian
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by George Carlin
“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”
George Carlin
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“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
Mark TwainWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Mark Twain
“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
Mark Twain
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“That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”
George CarlinComedian
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by George Carlin
“That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”
George Carlin
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“My imagination functions much better when I don't have to speak to people.”
Patricia HighsmithNovelist
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Patricia Highsmith
“My imagination functions much better when I don't have to speak to people.”
Patricia Highsmith
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“A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.”
Irina DunnWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Irina Dunn
“A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.”
Irina Dunn
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“Because you can't argue with all the fools in the world. It's easier to let them have their way, then trick them when they're not paying attention.”
Christopher PaoliniAuthor
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Christopher Paolini
“Because you can't argue with all the fools in the world. It's easier to let them have their way, then trick them when they're not paying attention.”
Christopher Paolini
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“What's the good of living if you don't try a few things?”
Charles M. SchulzCartoonist
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Charles M. Schulz
“What's the good of living if you don't try a few things?”
Charles M. Schulz
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“The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.”
Bette MidlerSinger-songwriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Bette Midler
“The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.”
Bette Midler
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“Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any ndian.”
Robert OrbenWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Robert Orben
“Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any ndian.”
Robert Orben
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“Don't be so humble - you are not that great.”
Golda MeirFormer Prime inister of Israel
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Golda Meir
“Don't be so humble - you are not that great.”
Golda Meir
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“Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch.”
Orson WellesActor
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Orson Welles
“Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch.”
Orson Welles
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“A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.”
Bill CosbyActor
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Bill Cosby
“A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.”
Bill Cosby
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“The world is indeed comic, but the joke is on mankind.”
H.P. LovecraftAuthor
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by H.P. Lovecraft
“The world is indeed comic, but the joke is on mankind.”
H.P. Lovecraft
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“A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.”
Phyllis DillerComedian
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Phyllis Diller
“A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.”
Phyllis Diller
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“If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane.”
Robert FrostPoet
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Robert Frost
“If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane.”
Robert Frost
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“Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping.”
Oscar WildePlaywright
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Oscar Wilde
“Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping.”
Oscar Wilde
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“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”
Charles LambWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Charles Lamb
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”
Charles Lamb
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“Black holes are where God divided by zero.”
Albert EinsteinScientist
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Albert Einstein
“Black holes are where God divided by zero.”
Albert Einstein
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“Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men.”
Neil GaimanAuthor
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Neil Gaiman
“Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men.”
Neil Gaiman
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“I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.”
Oscar WildePlaywright
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Oscar Wilde
“I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.”
Oscar Wilde
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“Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way”
Steve MartinActor
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Steve Martin
“Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way”
Steve Martin
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“She feels in italics and thinks in CAPIALS.”
Henry JamesWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Henry James
“She feels in italics and thinks in CAPIALS.”
Henry James
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“If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.”
Johnny DeppActor
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Johnny Depp
“If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.”
Johnny Depp
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“Boring damned people. All over the earth. Propagating more boring damned people. What a horror show. The earth swarmed with them.”
Charles BukowskiPoet
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Charles Bukowski
“Boring damned people. All over the earth. Propagating more boring damned people. What a horror show. The earth swarmed with them.”
Charles Bukowski
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“Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up 'cause they're looking for ideas.”
Paula PoundstoneStand-up comedian
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Paula Poundstone
“Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up 'cause they're looking for ideas.”
Paula Poundstone
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“I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one.”
Marilyn MonroeActress
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Marilyn Monroe
“I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one.”
Marilyn Monroe
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“I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”
Mark TwainWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Mark Twain
“I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”
Mark Twain
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“I have nothing to declare except my genius.”
Oscar WildePlaywright
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Oscar Wilde
“I have nothing to declare except my genius.”
Oscar Wilde
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“I suffer from girlnextdooritis where the guy is friends with you and that's it.”
Taylor SwiftSinger-songwriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Taylor Swift
“I suffer from girlnextdooritis where the guy is friends with you and that's it.”
Taylor Swift
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“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
George CarlinComedian
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by George Carlin
“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
George Carlin
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“Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.”
Mark TwainWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Mark Twain
“Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.”
Mark Twain
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“If you liked being a teenager, there's something really wrong with you.”
Stephen KingAuthor
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Stephen King
“If you liked being a teenager, there's something really wrong with you.”
Stephen King
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“She looked at nice young men as if she could smell their stupidity.”
Flannery O'ConnorWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Flannery O'Connor
“She looked at nice young men as if she could smell their stupidity.”
Flannery O'Connor
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“I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.”
Groucho MarxComedian
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Groucho Marx
“I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.”
Groucho Marx
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“Why do people say grow some balls? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.”
Sheng WangStand-up comic
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Sheng Wang
“Why do people say grow some balls? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.”
Sheng Wang
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“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is”
Ellen DeGeneresComedian
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Ellen DeGeneres
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is”
Ellen DeGeneres
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“Humor is reason gone mad.”
Groucho MarxComedian
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Groucho Marx
“Humor is reason gone mad.”
Groucho Marx
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“No good deed goes unpunished.”
Oscar WildePlaywright
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Oscar Wilde
“No good deed goes unpunished.”
Oscar Wilde
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“It's the mortal cup Jace, not the mortal toilet bowl.”
Cassandra ClareAuthor
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Cassandra Clare
“It's the mortal cup Jace, not the mortal toilet bowl.”
Cassandra Clare
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“Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.”
Anthony BurgessWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Anthony Burgess
“Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.”
Anthony Burgess
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“The best way out is always through.”
Robert FrostPoet
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Robert Frost
“The best way out is always through.”
Robert Frost
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“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
Rodney DangerfieldComedian
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Rodney Dangerfield
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
Rodney Dangerfield
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“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”
Will RogersActor
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Will Rogers
“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”
Will Rogers
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“If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.”
Isaac AsimovAuthor
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Isaac Asimov
“If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.”
Isaac Asimov
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“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”
Albert EinsteinScientist
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Albert Einstein
“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”
Albert Einstein
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“It takes a lot of time to be a genius. You have to sit around so much, doing nothing, really doing nothing.”
Gertrude SteinNovelist
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Gertrude Stein
“It takes a lot of time to be a genius. You have to sit around so much, doing nothing, really doing nothing.”
Gertrude Stein
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“I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me.”
Matt GroeningCartoonist
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Matt Groening
“I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me.”
Matt Groening
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“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”
George CarlinComedian
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by George Carlin
“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”
George Carlin
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“What I say is that, if a fellow really likes potatoes, he must be a pretty decent sort of fellow.”
A. A. MilneAuthor
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by A. A. Milne
“What I say is that, if a fellow really likes potatoes, he must be a pretty decent sort of fellow.”
A. A. Milne
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“It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words, like What about lunch?”
A. A. MilneAuthor
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by A. A. Milne
“It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words, like What about lunch?”
A. A. Milne
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“Some have brains, and some haven't, ... and there it is.”
A. A. MilneAuthor
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by A. A. Milne
“Some have brains, and some haven't, ... and there it is.”
A. A. Milne
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“Trust is hard to come by. That's why my circle is small and tight. I'm kind of funny about making new friends.”
EminemRapper
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Eminem
“Trust is hard to come by. That's why my circle is small and tight. I'm kind of funny about making new friends.”
Eminem
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“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.”
Abraham Lincoln16th U. S. President
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Abraham Lincoln
“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.”
Abraham Lincoln
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“Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.”
Abraham Lincoln16th U. S. President
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Abraham Lincoln
“Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.”
Abraham Lincoln
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“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?”
Abraham Lincoln16th U. S. President
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Abraham Lincoln
“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?”
Abraham Lincoln
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“Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.”
Abraham Lincoln16th U. S. President
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Abraham Lincoln
“Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.”
Abraham Lincoln
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“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.”
Agatha ChristieNovelist
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Agatha Christie
“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.”
Agatha Christie
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“My parents were vegetarians. I'd show up at school, this giant black kid, with none of the cool clothes and a tofu sandwich and celery sticks.”
Aisha TylerActress
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Aisha Tyler
“My parents were vegetarians. I'd show up at school, this giant black kid, with none of the cool clothes and a tofu sandwich and celery sticks.”
Aisha Tyler
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“I like grown up comedy.”
Aisha TylerActress
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Aisha Tyler
“I like grown up comedy.”
Aisha Tyler
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“If you look at shows like 'Def Comedy Jam' in its heyday, there were so many really funny, talented black comics that never would have gotten on that show because they just weren't doing comedy that fit that mold.”
Aisha TylerActress
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Aisha Tyler
“If you look at shows like 'Def Comedy Jam' in its heyday, there were so many really funny, talented black comics that never would have gotten on that show because they just weren't doing comedy that fit that mold.”
Aisha Tyler
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“The only way I was going to be funny was if I was myself, and either you liked it, or you didn't. Either you got on my train, or you didn't. Freeing myself of this idea that I had to fit a certain mold was when I was able to be my funniest.”
Aisha TylerActress
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Aisha Tyler
“The only way I was going to be funny was if I was myself, and either you liked it, or you didn't. Either you got on my train, or you didn't. Freeing myself of this idea that I had to fit a certain mold was when I was able to be my funniest.”
Aisha Tyler
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“As a comedian, it really gelled when I started doing standup. Because standup is so much about bravery, especially in the early days. There is no doubt that it is going to go terribly for you over and over and over again. But you cannot get funny without bombing.”
Aisha TylerActress
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Aisha Tyler
“As a comedian, it really gelled when I started doing standup. Because standup is so much about bravery, especially in the early days. There is no doubt that it is going to go terribly for you over and over and over again. But you cannot get funny without bombing.”
Aisha Tyler
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“Comedy's really about not being afraid to look terrible, look ugly, look silly, make fun of yourself. And that's something that women are just not socialized to do. But more women are doing it, and more women have examples of women doing it brilliantly.”
Aisha TylerActress
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Aisha Tyler
“Comedy's really about not being afraid to look terrible, look ugly, look silly, make fun of yourself. And that's something that women are just not socialized to do. But more women are doing it, and more women have examples of women doing it brilliantly.”
Aisha Tyler
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“I'm not a particularly dark individual. I have my moments, it's true, but I do have a sense of humor.”
Alan MooreWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Alan Moore
“I'm not a particularly dark individual. I have my moments, it's true, but I do have a sense of humor.”
Alan Moore
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“I like Jacques Derrida; I think he's funny. I like my philosophy with a few jokes and puns. I know that that offends other philosophers; they think he's not taking things seriously, but he comes up with some marvellous puns. Why shouldn't you have a bit of fun while dealing with the deepest issues of the mind?”
Alan MooreWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Alan Moore
“I like Jacques Derrida; I think he's funny. I like my philosophy with a few jokes and puns. I know that that offends other philosophers; they think he's not taking things seriously, but he comes up with some marvellous puns. Why shouldn't you have a bit of fun while dealing with the deepest issues of the mind?”
Alan Moore
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“Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.”
Albert EinsteinScientist
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Albert Einstein
“Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.”
Albert Einstein
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“We participate in a tragedy; at a comedy we only look.”
Aldous HuxleyWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Aldous Huxley
“We participate in a tragedy; at a comedy we only look.”
Aldous Huxley
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“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help.”
Alex HaleyWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Alex Haley
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help.”
Alex Haley
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“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
Mark TwainWriter
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Mark Twain
“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
Mark Twain
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“An original idea. That can't be too hard. The library must be full of them.”
Stephen FryComedian
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Stephen Fry
“An original idea. That can't be too hard. The library must be full of them.”
Stephen Fry
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“The short answer to that is 'no.' The long answer is 'fuck no.”
Stephen FryComedian
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Stephen Fry
“The short answer to that is 'no.' The long answer is 'fuck no.”
Stephen Fry
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“My first words, as I was being born [...] I looked up at my mother and said, 'that's the last time I'm going up one of those.”
Stephen FryComedian
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Stephen Fry
“My first words, as I was being born [...] I looked up at my mother and said, 'that's the last time I'm going up one of those.”
Stephen Fry
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“No adolescent ever wants to be understood, which is why they complain about being misunderstood all the time.”
Stephen FryComedian
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Stephen Fry
“No adolescent ever wants to be understood, which is why they complain about being misunderstood all the time.”
Stephen Fry
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“Boys are like purses. You're always gonna have that one boy that you're always comfortable with and you know you'll always kind of like. That's your purse that you wear everywhere. Then you have that gorgeous bag that you want everyone to see you with but the gorgeous bag is usually an asshole or costs a lot of money. Then you have those other purses that you really like but you really don't want to be seen with.”
Lauren ConradTelevision Personality
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Lauren Conrad
“Boys are like purses. You're always gonna have that one boy that you're always comfortable with and you know you'll always kind of like. That's your purse that you wear everywhere. Then you have that gorgeous bag that you want everyone to see you with but the gorgeous bag is usually an asshole or costs a lot of money. Then you have those other purses that you really like but you really don't want to be seen with.”
Lauren Conrad
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“Well, Steve [Jobs]... I think it's more like we both had this rich neighbour named Xerox and I broke into his house to steal the TV set and found out that you had already stolen it.”
Bill GatesBusiness magnate
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Bill Gates
“Well, Steve [Jobs]... I think it's more like we both had this rich neighbour named Xerox and I broke into his house to steal the TV set and found out that you had already stolen it.”
Bill Gates
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“The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook.”
Julia ChildChef
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Julia Child
“The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook.”
Julia Child
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“I think every woman should have a blowtorch.”
Julia ChildChef
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Julia Child
“I think every woman should have a blowtorch.”
Julia Child
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“People who love to eat are always the best people.”
Julia ChildChef
EVEQUOTE ARCHIVE // Quote by Julia Child
“People who love to eat are always the best people.”
Julia Child
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